ALC - Homeward

There’s a familiar scene in movies where the corporate big-wig commands the attentive secretary, armed with her notepad and pencil, “Oh yes, and pick something up for my wife’s birthday will you?  You know what she’d like.”  Have you seen that movie too?  How cool is that?  Having someone take the anxiety and gifting mind-block out of presents?  What a dream.

Though the title of the book seems a little over the top, who doesn’t want to be let in on  expert secrets?  Mr. Fary is the founder and president of a gifting company in LA.  He has been in charge of providing gift baskets for events like the Grammy’s, MTV awards, Kids’ Choice awards, etc.  Most of the Hollywood elite have received a gift picked out by him, or had him choose gifts for them to give.  He IS the secretary lady from that movie scene!

One thing that I love about this book is that the first part of the book includes what he calls the Meyers-Briggs assessment for gifting.  A little test for you to use in gathering data about the person you are giving to, to decide if they fit into one of eight different categories. Of course this is by no means meant to pigeonhole, but to be used as a guide.

There’s a familiar scene in movies where the corporate big-wig commands the attentive secretary, armed with her notepad and pencil, “Oh yes, and pick something up for my wife’s birthday will you?  You know what she’d like.”  Have you seen that movie too?  How cool is that?  Having someone take the anxiety and gifting mind-block out of presents?  What a dream.

Though the title of the book seems a little over the top, who doesn’t want to be let in on  expert secrets?  Mr. Fary is the founder and president of a gifting company in LA.  He has been in charge of providing gift baskets for events like the Grammy’s, MTV awards, Kids’ Choice awards, etc.  Most of the Hollywood elite have received a gift picked out by him, or had him choose gifts for them to give.  He IS the secretary lady from that movie scene!

One thing that I love about this book is that the first part of the book includes what he calls the Meyers-Briggs assessment for gifting.  A little test for you to use in gathering data about the person you are giving to, to decide if they fit into one of eight different categories. Of course this is by no means meant to pigeonhole, but to be used as a guide.

The other day I was getting worked on by my “Structural Integrationist” – a fancy name for massage therapist, but I like it because it sounds like real work being done, and not just pampering.  We were comparing facets of our respective professions and found that in both cases having a good relationship with those you are working on, or with, was vital to success.  In other words you have to like your clients.  Otherwise, we agreed, it will not matter what stroke you use as a massage therapist, or what technique you use as a Marriage and Family Therapist, the client will feel you don’t care for them and the work you do will not deeply transform anything for the better.

Believe it or not, the same is true for parents and their kids.  You have to like them to be any good for them.  This month we have focused our Ezine on the topic of gift giving, but I want to tell you about 3 gifts you can give that have the power to turn your relationship with your teen 180 degrees around.

Have you ever shrugged off the impression to write someone a note because you don’t know what to say? Perhaps you tell yourself that a letter isn’t a grand enough representation of how you feel. Maybe you’d rather just shoot off a quick e-mail than hunt for stationary, a stamp, their address, and the postman. I admit, I’m guilty.

In our materialistic, gadgety, gaudy world, we feel like there needs to be some clever–if not quality–gift attached to a note of gratitude. We feel like we need to dress up the written words with something they’ll REALLY appreciate. Rubbish. As my mom says, these notes can become “Little jewels tucked in your apron pocket, that you pull out and admire over and over.”

So how do you write one of these jewels? I have wanted a book on this subject for years, and this article gave me permission to finally purchase one. Everyday Letters for All Occasions is perfect. Not only does Mr. Maguire tell you how to write an effective letter, he gives you over 200 sample letters to use for crafting your originals. He talks about when and why writing letters can be more appropriate than a phone call or personal visit. From invitations, to thank you’s, to notes of congratulations and complaints, his language and personality are spot on. I write for a living, and people in my office ask me to craft notes all the time. This book is my new secret weapon!

Once there was a man in his early 40\’s who, from all accounts, had a wonderful family, many close friends, and meaningful work. For the first few years of marriage he and his wife delighted in their relationship and enjoyed the longest \”honeymoon\” phase on record. As the years rolled on, children entered the picture and the work/family balance he had strived for became difficult to achieve. As the needs of his family grew and the career advanced, the chronic stress and pressure of being an entrepreneur often led to sleepless nights, exhaustion, and eventually a loss of interest in his joys and hobbies. Those closest to him saw his happy-go-lucky personality slowly fade as he developed an all too serious pre-occupation with work.

Though others saw him as fortunate indeed, he continually focused on the difference between where he wanted to be in life, and where he currently was. Slowly, imperceptibly, he slipped into a place of numbness to his blessings. A low grade depression settled in.

On a rainy evening a few weeks ago I had my son Grayson on top of a load of hay that was sitting in the back of our pickup truck.  He was helping me feed our horses as I drove slowly around the small pasture we have behind our house.  My daughter Afton was in the cab with me dying to get out and climb on top as well. The area we were in was muddy from the rain so I told her not to get out.  She replied “But I’m your muddy farm girl dad!”

That little statement has warmed my heart over and over since.  First she see’s herself as my girl.  What dad doesn’t long to hear those words from his little girl.  Then the fact that she embraces some of the things that I love, the farm, physical work and not be afraid to get a little dirty in the process, only makes the statement that much more endearing.

Her school teacher gave her the choice of animals to do a report on for science. “Hey Dad.  Guess what animal I get to do my report on?  A Pig!” she exclaimed laughing.  The statement “I’m your muddy farm girl” sparkled in her eyes as we shared a fun playful moment.

A few years ago while making dinner, my kids were in the family room talking, watching TV, and basically not helping me!  Feeling like a victim, I thought to myself “Why is that room called the family room?  I guess I’m not a part of the family, because I never get to sit in there.”  I mulishly made the decision that I was going to create a new family room…one where I could ban the television, sit down and enjoy my family.

What’s in the secret recipe of regularly shared family meals?  One’s that cook up great family– and especially adolescent–outcomes?

As a 13 year old boy the last thing I wanted to do was spend time at my 90 year old neighbor’s house, but my mother insisted. Each week her garbage needed taken to the outside bin and then to the curb. I also took plates of Sunday dinner, and I invariably ended up in her house hearing about the “good ole days” for what seemed like hours on end.

My wife Roxanne has always said that she would rather attend a funeral than a wedding.  Sound morbid?  Though she finds weddings more fun because of the bride’s dress, the happy couple, and the festive receptions or dance, it rarely motivates her to improve, forgive, or rededicate her life.  Funerals do.