ALC - Homeward

Last Saturday my nine year old daughter made her first batch of hot cereal for the family. As she stirred the cup of Cream of Wheat into the boiling water on the stove, she called out \”This is going to be so good!  I can\’t wait to eat this cereal…Yum!\”

Sitting next to each other at the counter, she kept watching for my reaction as I took the first bite.  \”Wow this is great!  Especially for your first time ever making it\” I said.  And I wasn\’t lying.  She had made a delicious breakfast that not only tasted good, but induced wonderful memories of my mother making the same creamy white cereal for me when I was in grade school.

Then I scooped up a large, hard lump of cereal that had not been stirred in properly as it was being cooked.  My breakfast bliss with my daughter was disturbed with feelings of shame.  You see, along with the nice memories were the memories of times Mom hadn’t gotten everything just right.  In the rush to get 8 kids out the door for school, mom’s inattention sometimes produced clumps of cereal.  I would flatly refuse to eat it.  Even after she offered other options for breakfast, I’d chose to go to school hungry.  I remember consciously trying to make my mom feel bad.  Not because I didn’t love her (she was the center of my world still), but because I knew that Mom would feel guilty and then do whatever she could to make it up to me in some way.  I didn’t realize this then, but I admit now, that in some ways I was entitled and manipulative.

My youngest son’s report card came back and everything looked good except one understated piece of feedback from his first grade teacher.  In the column “Areas to Improve” it said, “Halsten needs to work on his anger.”

In spite of the fact that at six years old he still has the cutest “mean eyes,” and severely down turned mouth you’ve ever seen, if he doesn’t learn to manage his anger it could have far more harsh outcomes in his life than a little feedback from his teacher.  The reality is that we all might do well to take Mrs. Drake’s feedback personally.

My youngest son’s report card came back and everything looked good except one understated piece of feedback from his first grade teacher.  In the column “Areas to Improve” it said, “Halsten needs to work on his anger.”

In spite of the fact that at six years old he still has the cutest “mean eyes,” and severely down turned mouth you’ve ever seen, if he doesn’t learn to manage his anger it could have far more harsh outcomes in his life than a little feedback from his teacher.  The reality is that we all might do well to take Mrs. Drake’s feedback personally.

As the white Dodge truck pulling a red horse trailer drove away from our home, I couldn\’t help but feel a little sad. Inside the trailer was a spirited paint gelding who had taught my son Talmage more about leadership, assertiveness, and the kind of girl you don\’t want to marry, than any other person (or animal) could have.

The story began over 2 years earlier when I flew to Billings, Montana with my good friend, Lee Caldwell. We were going to one of the largest horse auctions in the country and I was on a mission to bring home a couple \”kid\” horses for my two sons. While on the plane Lee gave me some expert advice that I would later regret not listening to. \”Be careful not to get caught up in the moment and start bidding when a great looking horse comes into the ring, if you haven\’t seen it out back in the corrals first\” he said. He explained how dishonest people will sometimes drug the horse before it comes into the sales barn to make it seem calm and docile.

As the white Dodge truck pulling a red horse trailer drove away from our home, I couldn\’t help but feel a little sad. Inside the trailer was a spirited paint gelding who had taught my son Talmage more about leadership, assertiveness, and the kind of girl you don\’t want to marry, than any other person (or animal) could have.

The story began over 2 years earlier when I flew to Billings, Montana with my good friend, Lee Caldwell. We were going to one of the largest horse auctions in the country and I was on a mission to bring home a couple \”kid\” horses for my two sons. While on the plane Lee gave me some expert advice that I would later regret not listening to. \”Be careful not to get caught up in the moment and start bidding when a great looking horse comes into the ring, if you haven\’t seen it out back in the corrals first\” he said. He explained how dishonest people will sometimes drug the horse before it comes into the sales barn to make it seem calm and docile.

You never know how something will turn out so withhold judgment until the end.

A couple weeks ago I traveled to Oklahoma City to work with a family who\’s teen had just come home from a treatment program.  The final day went by too quickly and I ended up staying longer than I had planned at the family\’s home.  Because I was in a hurry, Murphy\’s law kicked in and I ended up missing an exit then needed to get directions to find the road back to the airport. The end result was that I was too late for my bags to be checked.  Tired and ready to be home, I imagined myself having to find a hotel and spend the night and catch a plane in the morning.

Before giving up I got in line to speak to a ticket agent and check to see if there were other flights leaving that would get me home, no matter how late.  I would be helped by one of two people.  One looked professional and friendly, the other, well let\’s just say that I\’ve seen government employees with more enthusiasm for their work.  Undoubtedly she had been on the job all day dealing with people like me who, because of poor planning on their part had missed their plane and wanted her to magically make everything all better.  Murphy\’s law…I got her.

What do you call it when you are trying to write something and you can\’t find the words, or even know how to start the process?  Oh yeah…it\’s writer\’s block.  I have experienced years of this.  My beliefs around me putting pen to paper were terribly restrictive, and sometimes they still are.  Instead of writer\’s block, I felt inflicted with “Non-writer\’s, writer\’s block\” and that\’s even worse!

I\’m embarrassed to admit this, but my relationship with Roxanne became serious just in time for her to feel highly invested in me graduating from college.  That meant she could help me with the last obstacle–my senior paper.   Humbly I asked for her help and fortunately she did help…a lot.

But things are changing!

Hello Friends,

I just finished a coaching call with two parents in Atlanta, GA and I\’m highly optimistic about their chances of success in turning their family (and their teen) around.  Unfortunately, I\’m not always so pumped after a coaching session.  So what\’s different here?

First, the combination of what I\’m bringing to their family and what they already have as resources is becoming synergistic.  Together we can succeed.  It\’s much more difficult to do this alone.  These parents are very caring parents and they\’ve been deliberate in their parenting.  Truth is, most of our parents fall into this category. But caring is not enough.  They have cared deeply all along and still had some big struggles with their son.

Hello Friends,

I just finished a coaching call with two parents in Atlanta, GA and I\’m highly optimistic about their chances of success in turning their family (and their teen) around.  Unfortunately, I\’m not always so pumped after a coaching session.  So what\’s different here?

First, the combination of what I\’m bringing to their family and what they already have as resources is becoming synergistic.  Together we can succeed.  It\’s much more difficult to do this alone.  These parents are very caring parents and they\’ve been deliberate in their parenting.  Truth is, most of our parents fall into this category. But caring is not enough.  They have cared deeply all along and still had some big struggles with their son.

Hello Friends,

I remember last year when 2010 rolled around.  Initially I found it awkward to write the year or to even say it.  It took several weeks before saying 2010 didn\’t leave me feeling tongue tied.

Conversely, Twenty Eleven just rolled off the tongue on January 1st.  Is that a sign this is going to be a better year or maybe a better decade?!  Or is it simply because saying “twenty…” is a habit now and credit is due to Twenty Ten for paving the way.

Awkward, unnatural and clumsy are all descriptors of how we feel as we try something new or improve something about ourselves.  That’s why most of us need a compelling driver for a particular goal.  I’ve come to realize that anything (and I do mean anything) worth while, will be difficult and require discipline, motivation and patience to achieve.