ALC - Homeward

As the white Dodge truck pulling a red horse trailer drove away from our home, I couldn\’t help but feel a little sad. Inside the trailer was a spirited paint gelding who had taught my son Talmage more about leadership, assertiveness, and the kind of girl you don\’t want to marry, than any other person (or animal) could have.

The story began over 2 years earlier when I flew to Billings, Montana with my good friend, Lee Caldwell. We were going to one of the largest horse auctions in the country and I was on a mission to bring home a couple \”kid\” horses for my two sons. While on the plane Lee gave me some expert advice that I would later regret not listening to. \”Be careful not to get caught up in the moment and start bidding when a great looking horse comes into the ring, if you haven\’t seen it out back in the corrals first\” he said. He explained how dishonest people will sometimes drug the horse before it comes into the sales barn to make it seem calm and docile.

As the white Dodge truck pulling a red horse trailer drove away from our home, I couldn\’t help but feel a little sad. Inside the trailer was a spirited paint gelding who had taught my son Talmage more about leadership, assertiveness, and the kind of girl you don\’t want to marry, than any other person (or animal) could have.

The story began over 2 years earlier when I flew to Billings, Montana with my good friend, Lee Caldwell. We were going to one of the largest horse auctions in the country and I was on a mission to bring home a couple \”kid\” horses for my two sons. While on the plane Lee gave me some expert advice that I would later regret not listening to. \”Be careful not to get caught up in the moment and start bidding when a great looking horse comes into the ring, if you haven\’t seen it out back in the corrals first\” he said. He explained how dishonest people will sometimes drug the horse before it comes into the sales barn to make it seem calm and docile.

You never know how something will turn out so withhold judgment until the end.

A couple weeks ago I traveled to Oklahoma City to work with a family who\’s teen had just come home from a treatment program.  The final day went by too quickly and I ended up staying longer than I had planned at the family\’s home.  Because I was in a hurry, Murphy\’s law kicked in and I ended up missing an exit then needed to get directions to find the road back to the airport. The end result was that I was too late for my bags to be checked.  Tired and ready to be home, I imagined myself having to find a hotel and spend the night and catch a plane in the morning.

Before giving up I got in line to speak to a ticket agent and check to see if there were other flights leaving that would get me home, no matter how late.  I would be helped by one of two people.  One looked professional and friendly, the other, well let\’s just say that I\’ve seen government employees with more enthusiasm for their work.  Undoubtedly she had been on the job all day dealing with people like me who, because of poor planning on their part had missed their plane and wanted her to magically make everything all better.  Murphy\’s law…I got her.

What do you call it when you are trying to write something and you can\’t find the words, or even know how to start the process?  Oh yeah…it\’s writer\’s block.  I have experienced years of this.  My beliefs around me putting pen to paper were terribly restrictive, and sometimes they still are.  Instead of writer\’s block, I felt inflicted with “Non-writer\’s, writer\’s block\” and that\’s even worse!

I\’m embarrassed to admit this, but my relationship with Roxanne became serious just in time for her to feel highly invested in me graduating from college.  That meant she could help me with the last obstacle–my senior paper.   Humbly I asked for her help and fortunately she did help…a lot.

But things are changing!

Hello Friends,

I just finished a coaching call with two parents in Atlanta, GA and I\’m highly optimistic about their chances of success in turning their family (and their teen) around.  Unfortunately, I\’m not always so pumped after a coaching session.  So what\’s different here?

First, the combination of what I\’m bringing to their family and what they already have as resources is becoming synergistic.  Together we can succeed.  It\’s much more difficult to do this alone.  These parents are very caring parents and they\’ve been deliberate in their parenting.  Truth is, most of our parents fall into this category. But caring is not enough.  They have cared deeply all along and still had some big struggles with their son.

Hello Friends,

I just finished a coaching call with two parents in Atlanta, GA and I\’m highly optimistic about their chances of success in turning their family (and their teen) around.  Unfortunately, I\’m not always so pumped after a coaching session.  So what\’s different here?

First, the combination of what I\’m bringing to their family and what they already have as resources is becoming synergistic.  Together we can succeed.  It\’s much more difficult to do this alone.  These parents are very caring parents and they\’ve been deliberate in their parenting.  Truth is, most of our parents fall into this category. But caring is not enough.  They have cared deeply all along and still had some big struggles with their son.

Hello Friends,

I remember last year when 2010 rolled around.  Initially I found it awkward to write the year or to even say it.  It took several weeks before saying 2010 didn\’t leave me feeling tongue tied.

Conversely, Twenty Eleven just rolled off the tongue on January 1st.  Is that a sign this is going to be a better year or maybe a better decade?!  Or is it simply because saying “twenty…” is a habit now and credit is due to Twenty Ten for paving the way.

Awkward, unnatural and clumsy are all descriptors of how we feel as we try something new or improve something about ourselves.  That’s why most of us need a compelling driver for a particular goal.  I’ve come to realize that anything (and I do mean anything) worth while, will be difficult and require discipline, motivation and patience to achieve.

There’s a familiar scene in movies where the corporate big-wig commands the attentive secretary, armed with her notepad and pencil, “Oh yes, and pick something up for my wife’s birthday will you?  You know what she’d like.”  Have you seen that movie too?  How cool is that?  Having someone take the anxiety and gifting mind-block out of presents?  What a dream.

Though the title of the book seems a little over the top, who doesn’t want to be let in on  expert secrets?  Mr. Fary is the founder and president of a gifting company in LA.  He has been in charge of providing gift baskets for events like the Grammy’s, MTV awards, Kids’ Choice awards, etc.  Most of the Hollywood elite have received a gift picked out by him, or had him choose gifts for them to give.  He IS the secretary lady from that movie scene!

One thing that I love about this book is that the first part of the book includes what he calls the Meyers-Briggs assessment for gifting.  A little test for you to use in gathering data about the person you are giving to, to decide if they fit into one of eight different categories. Of course this is by no means meant to pigeonhole, but to be used as a guide.

There’s a familiar scene in movies where the corporate big-wig commands the attentive secretary, armed with her notepad and pencil, “Oh yes, and pick something up for my wife’s birthday will you?  You know what she’d like.”  Have you seen that movie too?  How cool is that?  Having someone take the anxiety and gifting mind-block out of presents?  What a dream.

Though the title of the book seems a little over the top, who doesn’t want to be let in on  expert secrets?  Mr. Fary is the founder and president of a gifting company in LA.  He has been in charge of providing gift baskets for events like the Grammy’s, MTV awards, Kids’ Choice awards, etc.  Most of the Hollywood elite have received a gift picked out by him, or had him choose gifts for them to give.  He IS the secretary lady from that movie scene!

One thing that I love about this book is that the first part of the book includes what he calls the Meyers-Briggs assessment for gifting.  A little test for you to use in gathering data about the person you are giving to, to decide if they fit into one of eight different categories. Of course this is by no means meant to pigeonhole, but to be used as a guide.

The other day I was getting worked on by my “Structural Integrationist” – a fancy name for massage therapist, but I like it because it sounds like real work being done, and not just pampering.  We were comparing facets of our respective professions and found that in both cases having a good relationship with those you are working on, or with, was vital to success.  In other words you have to like your clients.  Otherwise, we agreed, it will not matter what stroke you use as a massage therapist, or what technique you use as a Marriage and Family Therapist, the client will feel you don’t care for them and the work you do will not deeply transform anything for the better.

Believe it or not, the same is true for parents and their kids.  You have to like them to be any good for them.  This month we have focused our Ezine on the topic of gift giving, but I want to tell you about 3 gifts you can give that have the power to turn your relationship with your teen 180 degrees around.