People Pleasing

Serving God instead of Men

Great leaders are rarely great people pleasers. In fact, the two things are seemingly mutually exclusive. Moses is not known for being loved by the Israelites. Martin Luther King had rocks thrown at him. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned on an island for 18 years. Abraham Lincoln was shot from behind in a theater. Gandhi was assassinated. Need I mention Jesus?

Apparently, great leaders are good at being strongly disliked and directly confronted about it and then choosing to continue on the path for which they have been appointed.

They are not afraid of people and their opinions.

People pleasers, on the other hand, are afraid of people and their opinions. That’s why they aim to please. They are afraid people won’t like them.

But it’s hard to both lead and please.

My youngest son has been habitually locking me out of the house. Twice in the last 24 hours, I have told him something he is not happy about—that he must pick up his mess in the car or that he cannot stay home from his morning parks program—in response, he has locked me out. Two different doors, two different times, he turned the locks while I’ve been outside.

While this is a tad bit funny, it’s important to note, that he does not like me in those moments and I’m okay with that. He’s five years old and he cannot always be told yes or he will turn into a terror of a human being. I cannot be a good mother and please him at the same time.

For him to be good at what he’s doing—growing into an adult in this case—he needs discipline, guidance and teaching. He doesn’t need a mom who is a pleaser. It’s the same when leading a company. Employees and staff need a leader who is going to teach and train, not someone who is chasing praise.

Steve Black, Senior Human Resources Manager and Partner at Brixey & Meyer, says people pleasing is about seeking ambition and acceptance. We want to know that we are thought of highly. It’s not just about being liked, which, of course, feels good, it goes deeper than that. It hits our ego. It’s about how we view ourselves.

If we receive accolades, praise, and lots of likes on social media, we feel valuable and worthy as a person, even if it’s for a short time. Steve says receiving that kind of approval is like eating cotton candy. It tastes good but has little sustenance. We cannot survive on a diet of cotton candy. We’ll keep eating more and more and wondering why we don’t feel full. We cannot thrive as a leader on other people’s praise. We’ll make ourselves sick.

Instead, we must truly understand who we. We cannot allow other’s opinions to inform us of that. We must look at ourselves through the lens of who God says we are. This will allow us to lead from a rock solid place of identity, instead of the shifting sands of others’ opinions. Here’s 3 ways:

Learn who you are in God’s eyes: God says you are his child. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. You can have confidence that he knows the plans that he has for your life and that he began a good work in you and will carry it on to completion. He will help you when you are in trouble, and he will guide your day to day like a kind shepherd who guides his sheep. He has equipped you with every good thing you need to do every good work and he will not leave you or abandon you.

Spend daily time in the Word: We have a real enemy who seeks to destroy all the good things that God has made. In doing so, he sows seeds of discouragement, dissent, confusion, shame and guilt that cause us to run away from God instead of toward him. To battle these things and experience freedom from the chains of others’ approval, you need to spend daily time with God reading his word and in prayer. When you seek him, you will find him and find your true identity and confidence in him.
 

Serve God, instead of Men: This is a daily posture in your heart. You are a servant of God. You are not a servant to other people’s opinions. When you peddle away your time and energy seeking approval from men, you are wasting the things that God has given you. Instead, work as if you are working for the Lord. In doing so, you will lead from a place of security out of love for others and obedience to God instead of a place of fear and worry, chasing likes.

Fighting for daily Spiritual disciplines takes practice and repetition. It can look like morning devotional time or evening prayer time. It can even look like praying in the car on the way to work or to meetings. There’s no perfect routine, we just encourage you to find the right one for you. If you fail to find the time one day, try again the next. Reach out to IOL for support and encouragement! We’re here to help.

###

This post is based on the IOL Podcast #169: People Pleasing Roots & Fears with Steve Black. Check it out!  

Author: Ashley Buenger